Cheney's Hunting Mishap

Considering the media frenzy over the past few days, no doubt you’ve heard that Vice President Cheney accidentally shot someone. At first glance, this would appear to be headline news, but look again.

Here's the short version of the story: While hunting quail in southern Texas on Saturday, the VP accidentally shot his friend Harry Whittington, 78, with birdshot. The hunting party notified the White House of the incident and took to getting medical attention for the injured man. Katharine Armstrong, the owner of the hunting ranch, broke the story to her local newspaper (after letting the VP know she planned to do so). She had this to say of the incident:

The shots "broke the skin," Armstrong said. "It knocked him silly. But he was fine. He was talking. His eyes were open. It didn't get in his eyes or anything like that."

[...]"This is something that happens from time to time. You now, I've been peppered pretty well myself," said Armstrong.

So, it took almost twenty-four hours for the White House to hold a press conference to answer questions about the incident. Why? Maybe because the incident wasn’t such a big deal until the White House press corps found out that the Corpus Christi Caller-Times newspaper got to break the news first, so they turned into a bunch of whining crybabies. (The video of the press briefing is here.) Believe it or not, one reporter actually asked if the VP could offer his resignation. The White House probably should have shared the news earlier, but to imply a cover-up? Come on.

At least we've gotten a few good laughs out of the incident. My favorite so far comes from "The Daily Show With Jon Stewart":

Jon Stewart: "I'm joined now by our own vice-presidential firearms mishap analyst, Rob Corddry. Rob, obviously a very unfortunate situation. How is the vice president handling it?

Rob Corddry: "Jon, tonight the vice president is standing by his decision to shoot Harry Wittington. According to the best intelligence available, there were quail hidden in the brush. Everyone believed at the time there were quail in the brush.

"And while the quail turned out to be a 78-year-old man, even knowing that today, Mr. Cheney insists he still would have shot Mr. Whittington in the face. He believes the world is a better place for his spreading buckshot throughout the entire region of Mr. Whittington's face."

Jon Stewart: "But why, Rob? If he had known Mr. Whittington was not a bird, why would he still have shot him?"

Rob Corddry: "Jon, in a post-9-11 world, the American people expect their leaders to be decisive. To not have shot his friend in the face would have sent a message to the quail that America is weak."

Jon Stewart: "That's horrible."

Rob Corddry: "Look, the mere fact that we're even talking about how the vice president drives up with his rich friends in cars to shoot farm-raised wingless quail-tards is letting the quail know 'how' we're hunting them. I'm sure right now those birds are laughing at us in that little 'covey' of theirs.

Jon Stewart: "I'm not sure birds can laugh, Rob."

Rob Corddry: "Well, whatever it is they do … coo .. they're cooing at us right now, Jon, because here we are talking openly about our plans to hunt them. Jig is up. Quails one, America zero.