Being A Girl

WARNING: Boys should read the following post with caution, as they may be confused or grossed out by it. Girls should exercise caution as well, but only because they may hurt themselves by laughing too hard.

Friday afternoon, I was having an early dinner with KB, when we somehow found ourselves discussing the first time we got our periods. My story wasn’t too exciting. (I woke up with it one rainy day and got furious at my mother when I found out she had told my dad and my aunt that, "Mandy was finally a woman.") KB’s story, on the other hand, had me laughing so hard that I was crying over my dinner.

KB explained how, after she had woken up with her period and tried to conceal the evidence from her mom, her parents took her to Hills and stood there in the feminine hygiene aisle for what seemed like hours, contemplating every available product. As any young girl would react at the thought of passersby figuring out what they were doing there, KB was completely mortified, snapping, “Don’t talk to me,” at her father, who innocently tried to reassure her.

When she was sixteen, she decided she was old enough to graduate from pads to tampons. Like many young women who venture into this new territory, she figured she’d just follow the instructions. How difficult could it be? Well, for those of you who’ve never read the instructions included in the box of tampons, or for those brave men who’ve continued reading to this point, here’s what you’ve been missing.

Understandably, KB couldn’t figure out what this picture was supposed to represent. Her body didn’t look like the cartoon cross-section of the woman shown in the instructions. So now what?

Then, she remembered back to that day in fifth grade when the boys went into one room and the girls went into another for The Talk. KB described the teacher who led the girls’ talk as “the most mannish woman EVER.” KB vividly remembered this she-man talking about tampons, throwing her foot onto a chair, and standing there, miming how a tampon should be inserted.

So, that’s what KB did. She threw her foot onto the toilet seat and went about trying to imitate what she remembered from the she-man’s demonstration. Sadly, she was not successful.

Okay, enough was enough! At her wit's end and more determined than ever, KB decided it was time to pull out all the stops. Once again, up went the foot, and this time, out came the hand mirror. And, finally, success!

Thanks for sharing, KB!